Journal

All this time I praise death because I do not like the kind of life I went through, but however God want me to praise life. It is ironic but I do still have a hope to live the life I have been craving.

Be Careful For What You Wish For... Because You Might Get It.

Last Friday I went to Singapore for medical check up and had some treatments, today the medical report has sent to my email and they said i have cancer and needed to do CT-Scans to know what stage of the cancer I'm having. I was surprised with the report but not really shocked, what will be will be. You all know mostly of my writings are not far from misery and death but also rising hopes for happiness and better stage of many anguish. I just hope what is happening now would change my life to something better in a way I wanted even I know I might have to give up something I have been living through for years. Some hopes may be failed to deliver but other hopes would come to replace the loss. Nothing last forever everything sooner or later would come to an end. So peace to all in this universe.. even the stars and the sun would one day burst.

The Peace The Sea The Sky and The Immortal

I'd do anything to seek you my define peace
I'd dive and sail all the sea across the horizon.
I'd never stop searching under the moving sky 
In the brightest day and the darkest night.

The moon whispers of an boundless loneliness  
stars twinkle like crystal tears trapped in the sky.
My mortal body may damaged by age and time
but my soul will never die and shall live forever.

I shall be reborn again and again until I find you
wherever you are I'd find you my eternal love.
Our souls shall never change through time  
I'd know it's you when I feel the same peace.

Two hearts search for each other shall not break
they are already broken on the moment they fell.
The fragments has merged as we had each other 
you and I are one because our love is immortal.

Written by RKF
Disclaimer I do not own the picture

Temaram Diujung Derita

Hati ini pilu teriris sembilu

jiwaku tenggelam dalam duka lara.

Dada terasa berat menyesakkan raga

air mata tak lagi mampu membasuh luka.

Hanya derita yang tersepuh di hati ini

kini namamu yang terpatri meneteskan darah

Menggerogoti jiwa ragaku yang masih bernyawa
luka bathin yang terus menggali dalam sanubari.

Rembulan ditelan awan meninggalkan gelap di bumi
segelap asa yang sirna ditelan waktu yang berlalu.

Cintamu telah pergi selamanya meninggalkanku sendiri

untuk melalui sisa waktu hidupku tanpa belahan jiwaku.

Written by RKF

Disclaimer: I do not own the picture

Gone Too Soon

Like A Comet
Blazing 'Cross The Evening Sky
Gone Too Soon

Like A Rainbow
Fading In The Twinkling Of An Eye
Gone Too Soon

Shiny And Sparkly
And Splendidly Bright
Here One Day
Gone One Night

Like The Loss Of Sunlight
On A Cloudy Afternoon
Gone Too Soon

Like A Castle
Built Upon A Sandy Beach
Gone Too Soon

Like A Perfect Flower
That Is Just Beyond Your Reach
Gone Too Soon

Born To Amuse, To Inspire, To Delight
Here One Day
Gone One Night

Like A Sunset
Dying With The Rising Of The Moon
Gone Too Soon

Gone Too Soon - Michael Jackson

Dedicated to a wonderful soul that been colorized my life,

I love you always.

-R. Kanon F

Death Under the Sunset Sky

This breeze.. blowing so warmly and serene

this breeze.. is just an ordinary breeze I knew

however.. this moment it felt like never before

suddenly every breathe I could take is a bless

everything seem beautiful and peacefully quiet.

So quiet along the warm breeze blowing softly 

wiping my winsome face second after second

I wish it stay that way much longer for me to feel

as now I began to hear my own heart beating 

slowly pumping my blood out from my wounds.

  

This seductive body is no longer able to move

and this lustrous eyes would no longer reflecting

slowly.. I gaze up to the sky for the last time 

the colors never been this beautiful all my life  

but the warm shine couldn't ease the chill inside.

The light is gradually leaving.. followed by my life

slowly leaving my dying body as my warmth fades

I never wanted to leave alone but I have no regret

there's no love or vengeance left for me to live on

my eyelids are closing.. never thought I find peace.

Written by: RKF

Disclaimer: I do not own the picture 

Badai Pasti Berlalu

 

Awan mendung diatas sana datanglah padaku 

sejukan diriku di bawah bayangan teduhmu 

lelah jiwaku berkelana mengikuti tubuh fana ini

kemana kakiku melangkah membawa diriku 

berjalan didera hujan kehidupan yang dingin 

namun terkadang badai pun dapat menyejukan

Hanya hangat pelukmu yang selama ini kudamba

hanya belai cinta kasihmu yang selalu kurindukan

entah kemana kuharus mencari dirimu yang hilang

ditelan jelajah waktu yang tak pernah menoleh lagi

satu persatu kupandang jejak yang kau tinggalkan 

kau tak pernah melihat apa yang telah kau lewatkan

Terlalu lama jiwaku mengigil dingin tanpa hangatmu

hatiku telah lama membeku dalam kesunyian jiwa

hanya renungan hening dan sentuhan angin dingin 

dimanakah cinta yang dulu pernah ku kenal indah

alunan duka lagu rindu semakin menyayat kalbuku

sendiri kuteruskan perjalanan misteri kehidupan ini

Tetes demi tetes air mata ku titikan di dalam hati

mengarungi samudra yang tak pernah kumengerti

ingin kutenggelamkan diriku ke dasar samudra ini

mungkin dengan jauh menyelam ku kan mengerti 

walau tiada janji aku kan kembali ke permukaan

akan kutemukan tempat untuk diriku berlabuh 

Ditulis oleh: RKF

Disclaimer: I do not own the picture  

Stormy Heart

I stood before you o mighty gray sky upon me
hear me calling for your rain to pour down on me
wash away my pain and drown all my faith within
this beating heart wouldn't stop to cry and bleed
with my both hands in chain I fought my destiny

O mighty gray sky of gloom and sorrowful grace
lend me your strength to blend with your storms
let me destroy everything known hurtful in my past
let me vanish them from this world once and for all
so there will be no more vengeance left in my heart

Written by: RKF
Disclaimer: I do not own the picture

When You're Here

When I'm with you my days blossoming with colors

when you were gone my days are black and white

when you were near my heartbeat pounding fast

like the wave buffeted by the wind along the shore

All the words of love I've been keeping in my mind 

so much I want to tell you but my lips are sealed

every time you look at me my heart smiles with joy

like the breeze blowing through my beating heart 

Every move you made recorded in my mind 

and every step I made follows where you go

like a butterfly attracted to colorful flowers

seem you are so match with my color of love

Night and day I pictured you in my mind 

hoping that one day you would be my lover

my heart sings when I hear my phone rings 

many times I try to say but my lips are sealed

Written by: RKF

Disclaimer: I do not own the picture

When I See You

Come to me Ophelia my beautiful queen
lay with me and feel how much I want you 
hold me closely and sway with me all night
I would share my warmth for you to keep
in your heart forever I would love to stay

Happiness is when I have myself on you
peace is when I release all my cum in you 
in your hand I let you to hold my hard on 
rub and suck it hard with all your desire
make me moan and fill full your curiosity

Between your legs I am all yours to savor
I'm lovong you with every thrust of my cock
I enjoy every moan I heard from your lips 
nothing is more arousing than watching you
naked and gasping in between your moans

Now you will never be safe from my hands 
I will make you cum every day and night
I will always be your deepest satisfaction
and when I'm gone you will long for more 
but need no worry cause you have my heart

Writen by: RKF
Disclaimer: I do not own the picture

Benci

Ketika anginmu berhembus meniup awan kelabu tuk mendekat
semua jerit pilu bersatu menusuk sukma yang terhempas amarah 
Dirimu yang kucinta telah berubah menjadi sosok yang kubenci
menebar segala kebencian yang mengakar dalam lubuk hatiku.

Ingin kupecahkan bingkai yang mengikat cinta kita yang pudar
sepudar cahaya langit mendung yang kini menghiasi hari-hariku
Sepuhan cintamu yang tak murni meracuni kemurnian cintaku
aksara yang keluar dari bibirmu setajam sembilu merobek hati.

Tiada lagi cinta kasih dan kehangatan yang dulu ku kenal darimu
kau bakar hatiku dengan caci maki dan sumpah serapahmu itu
Memang sungguh indah wujudmu namun kejam nian isi hatimu
kukubur semua perasaanku dan kisah manis yang telah berlalu.

Telah kulempar segala kenangan bersamamu ke dalam lautan 
biarlah semua tenggelam sirna ditelan samudra yang terdalam
Agar tak akan lagi muncul ke permukaan tuk menggangguku 
kuingin menjalani kembali kehidupanku yang tenang tanpamu.

Ditulis oleh: RKF
Disclaimer: I do not own the picture

Kerinduan Hati

 Kerinduan ini yang selalu abadi menghiasi relung hatiku

isak tangis dan rintihan hati yang tak pernah terdengar 

menggema di dalam sukmaku yang gelap ditelan hampa

tiada lagi air mata tersisa untuk ku teteskan diatas sesal

Dirimu yang selalu kudamba sebagai tambatan hati ini

kemana ku harus mencari sosok jiwamu bersemayam 

hari demi hari ku lalui dengan luka di hati tetap menanti

secerca harapan tuk bertemu dirimu sang belahan hati

Kurindukan sambut pelukmu dalam dekapan lenganku

ingin kembali kurasakan lembutnya sentuhan jemarimu 

membelai wajahku dan hangatnya lumatan bibir merahmu 

memandang wajahmu yang indah merona diantara bunga

Ingin kau kumiliki selamanya hingga seluruh bintang runtuh

walau langit dan lutan bersatu hatiku selalu menjadi milikmu

tiada yang dapat mengubah perasaanku walau maut menanti

tak kan berhenti ku mencari jiwamu hingga damai bertemu 

Ditulis oleh: RKF

Disclaimer: I do not own the picture 

Antara Cahaya dan Gelap

Awan hitam gelap temaram menggelantung di langit senja ini

membayangi duka kelabu di dataran yang terlelap oleh waktu.

Angin dingin berhembus menembus kulit yang terbungkus kain

rasa dingin meresap ke dalam lubuk hati yang terbelenggu sepi

Hati yang terisipenuh dengan air mata menyesakkan sanubari

menenggelamkan jiwa yang telah separuh hanyut dalam duka

Perjalanan hidupku yang indah yang ku lalui dengan suka cita 

namun waktu merubah menjadikannya duka lara dan air mata

Ku lalui hari-hari yang berlalu tanpa perlawanan yang berarti

tiada lagi semangat yang tersisa tuk membangun reruntuhan hati

Hanya tatapan kosong tanpa jiwa yang memandang matamu 

tak kan kau temukan cinta dalam diriku yang telah lama mati

Biarkan diriku pergi sendiri berjalan melalui mimpi-mimpi indah 

impian yang tak pernah berakhir seperti samudra diujung langit

Ingin kutinggalkan semua dusta yang menyelimuti palung hatiku

palung lautan jiwaku terdalam yang selalu ingin kusembunyikan

Sesuatu yang ingin kuakhiri sesuatu yang memberi harapan semu 

sesuatu yang yang tak buruk maupun indah untuk diungkapkan

Ditulis oleh: RKF

Disclaimer: i do not own the picture

Sendiri Terbunuh Sepi

Dibalik barisan rumah-rumah yang berjajar rapi dan kokoh

terbentang lautan biru yang damai dibawah hembusan angin

Langit nan cerah diatasnya memantul dengan leluasa tanpa awan

namun panas yang terik tak mampu menghalau mendung di hati

Ingin kulupakan semua duka dan kenangan yang menyayat jiwa

ingin sekali kubuang segala beban yang bersarang di lubuk hati ini

Keinginanku beranjak tuk meninggalkan masa lalu memang besar 

namun tak sebesar keinginanku tuk kembali pada kenangan indah

Terlalu indah tuk dilupakan namun terlalu menyakitkan tuk diingat

waktu dan kehidupan terus bergulir seperti embun yang menetes 

Begitu lambat untuk disyukuri namun begitu cepatnya menghilang 

hanya rasa sakit dan penyesalan yang tersisa dari cinta yang musnah 

Enggan ku meneruskan sisa hidup ini tanpa cinta yang menemani

waktu berlalu dan hari berganti namun hidupku tetap kian abadi 

Senantiasa ditemani kenangan dan kerinduan akan sebuah cinta

tiada yang dapat menggantikan apa yang hilang untuk selamanya

Ditulis oleh RKF

Disclaimer: I do not own the picture

Mendung Tak Harus Hujan

Kukirim curahan hatiku lewat hujan yang membasahi bumi
kutiupkan angin tuk membawa awan hati ini menuju langit mu.
Berharap angin dan air hujan menyampaikan kerinduan hatiku
sehari tampa melihat dirimu seperti kemarau di musim hujan.

Gerimis yang membasahi bagai rintikan kesejukan di sore hari
yang senantiasa memayungiku dengan rintikan seolah cemburu
Memandang awan gelap yang bergerak mengusir cahaya surya
tanpa memberi harapan bagi bulan dan bintang untuk bersinar.

Waktu bergulir tanpa terasa hari berlalu dan musim berganti
bersama mu kutemukan seberkas damai dan kerinduan hati.
Seperti kupu-kupu yang hingap di setiap bunga yang bersemi
dengan indahnya menebar kebahagiaan namun cepat berlalu. 

Kutangguhkan hati getir ini untuk tak tergoda oleh pesonamu
walau cintaku tak memiliki ku cukup bahagia tiap disampingmu.
Suatu hari nanti semua mendung kan menyingkir tuk menyambut
datangnya mentari terindah yang menghangatkan jiwa ragaku.

Ditulis oleh: RKF
Disclaimer: I do not own the picture

Hei Minus Yin

Disclaimer: I do not own the picture

Forbiden Love

Every breath that I take is every you in my life

Every laughter we make is every bliss in my soul

Every moment with you is every bless in my day

Every words you say is every caress in my mind
Every touch you gave is every dope in my flesh

Every time I look at you is every thrill in my sight

Every time I see you smile is every kiss in my heart
Every time I think of you is every joy in my dream

I've been admiring you all the way to my paradise

Oh help me lord why this feeling just won't let go

Written by RKF

Disclaimer: I do not own the picture

Requiem of a Dream

In a hot water spring on the mountain heights
we submerge and blend our longings and pleasure.
With our wringing wet body we gaze at each other 
my heart pounding wild when you look into my eyes.

Water drips from our hair form ripples on the surface 
small at start then spreading widely to the entire spring.
A butterfly flew so beautifully but then just disappeared  
spreading hopes like a siren song from the distance.

Under the graceful moonlight we toast our unholy bliss
flower petals raining upon us and scattered on the water.
Before the thousand stars our hearts pledge a promise 
to always together and love one another in life and death.

Mountain peaks went through the clouds and disappears
formless border lies between reality and realm of dream
Every day I had to wake up from a dream inside a dream 
a requiem held within my heart for each dream I drowned.

Written by RKF
Disclaimer: I do not own the picture

Lonely Moon

You follow me anywhere like a bright shadow
on the field of moon flowers bloom and sway
you cover me with your shimmering pale light
the windless air spoken and move around me
you wrap my naked soul and flow to the night.

Where serenity could stop the relentless time
where love and peace could merge and kiss. 
on this field I stood before the moon and stars 
in space between the horizons of life and death
I strife with all my faith to reveal my deliverance.

Where I closed my eyes and all the beasts sleep
staring at you with my heart been so painful to me 
and respiring your remembrance wounds my soul
I followed your scent to the deepest pit of a dream
you're consuming me from the inside to stay alive.

Chilly breeze slowly blowing and pierced my bare skin 
no more reassuring warmth surrounding my lonely heart
only gleam of hope and memories of you kept me going
wherever you are or how far I'd still be there to find you
even I have buried my heart beneath the ground I stood.

Written by RKF
Disclaimer: I do not own the picture

Love Lost

Two lost souls searching for each other separated by time and space.
Blood and tears streaming on the dry ground filling the pond of hope.
Forever I sail within my memory trying to remember your lovely face.
Death after death I went through to reborn and continue my pursuit.
Same soul inhabit dissimilar figures but the eye gaze will never change.
After decades of my current life of longing, this spirit is washing away.
Searching for someone I couldn't remember, seeking my lost soul mate.

Longing for a lost true love I had it once in my arms in far distance time.
Hope to find you is my vitality to keep on going in the darkest despair.
Between the flame and ice I tried to embrace the last moments we had.
What's left were only fragments of emotion, sentiment, longing and grief.
Maybe all this time you been here with me, living inside my heart and soul. 
When I looked up to the dark night sky while lying on my sleepless nights.. 
I gazed at the twinkling stars, wishing one of them were you watching me.

Written by RKF
Disclaimer: I do not own the picture